fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
