Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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