she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
