its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
