the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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