I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I fill condoms, not promises.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
