I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
