I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
