I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
