my soul wont recognize me after tonight
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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