Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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