just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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