he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You made out with two different species that night
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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