just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
