You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
