I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
