hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
