I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
