I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i came on her dog
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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