We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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