Cold hands, warm shart.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
