Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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