fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
This house was built for laser tag.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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