So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
