I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
