ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
