i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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