The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
worst night to have a conscience
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
