Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
