after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
