Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
