It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
