The maid of honor just puked.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
