Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
