You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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