Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
