You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
