theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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