I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
