I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
