Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
