all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
