dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
