no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
