Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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