How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
