I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
