I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
