I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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