I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
