forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
