Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
