Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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